The M&M Integrity Lesson

HALO's monthly life skill is Integrity. We have been discussing what this word truly means with our board, staff, volunteers, and the youth we serve. Our definition has come down to an actionable item: do what you say you are going to do. The story below is not for the easily grossed-out. Its about potty training. Proceed with caution.

My 2 year-old son Klaebel is going through the lovely process of potty training. The potty part he has gotten down with flying colors. The #2 part is taking a little longer. He had it down for a few weeks but for some reason he got what I call "poo anxiety". He all of a sudden started freaking out when it was poo time and would hide under tables or blankets when he had to go. Not exactly fun when I am in line at Target with him and his one year old brother. I tried everything - comforting him, bribing with M&M's, long discussions about everyone else in his life (including super heroes) who successfully go #2 on the toilet, and I still got a scared little guy who thought there was a monster in the toilet.

One night, I was home alone with the boys and I sat Klaebel on the toilet. He was scared but we both knew he really had to go. I sat down on a little stool in front of him him and he hugged my neck, crying, saying "Klaebel do it." I kept telling him it was ok to go on the toilet, reassuring that it wouldn't hurt. After a bit, he finally trusted me. We heard a "plop" in the toilet which caused his cry to turn into a laugh I will never forget. (At this point I was crying too). He screamed, "PLOP!!" We both sat there for what seemed like eternity, laughing hysterically with tears streaming down our faces. It was one of those times when I felt like I was hanging out with an adult as he totally got the humor of the situation.

After his bath, books, PJ, and prayers, I was rocking him to sleep singing his songs. He closed his eyes and drifted off. I was exhausted and started to fall asleep when all of a sudden in a loud little voice I hear, "M&M&M&M!" He remembered. I promised him earlier in the week that he could have an M&M if he went #2 on the toilet. At this point, going all the way down stairs to get him an M&M at a time of night when he shouldn't have one sounded like a bad idea. I was actually being lazy. I looked down at him and thought, how could I say no to this? He just had a major life success. Who am I to take away my promise? Following through builds trust. That's what integrity is all about. Would he ever trust me again when I said I would do something if I didn't follow through? I sat him in the rocking chair, went downstairs and got 2 M&M's with a sippy-cup of milk. I held him in my arms and we had an M&M toast. Klaebel giggled himself to sleep. I didn't stop smiling the rest of the night. And honestly, it was the best toast of my life.

The next time I even think of not following through, I will remember The M&M Integrity Lesson, taught by the one and only Klaebel James Welsh.

At the age of eleven

"If you're going through hell, keep on going." Winston Churchill

As I wait in line at the border with the golden ticket in hand, I consider those who would give anything for a chance to be in my shoes. Simply walking over an imaginary line with a little blue passport booklet that says I am allowed to cross makes all the difference in this world.

Stepping on to a plane using a ticket that costs more than 3 years of income for many people, I can't help but think about how blessed we are to live in the United States. I so often take for granted that I live in the land of opportunity.

What seems like a hard day to me may be a paradise for someone else. I am not tortured, I am not hungry, I am not sick. I am not fighting in a war. I sit in a newly air conditioned office and my challenges pale in comparison to those of other people right down the street. To keep my challenging days in perspective, I focus on the resilience of HALO youth. With perseverance as our monthly life skill, I immediately thought about this story.

I have shared a bit about Kennedy before. He and his siblings lost their parents at a very young age. Their grandmother couldn't afford to feed them so once they were old enough (still children), they would work in a limited potato field near their grandmother's home. Kennedy was the leader of the pack, the oldest, and would work in the field day in and day out with the hot Kenyan sun beating on his back. That is a hell no 11 year old should go through.

Kennedy and his younger brother, Samson, were brought to the HALO home in Kenya 7 years ago. Kennedy was enrolled in school and although he was years behind, he learned to read and write and made it through to carpentry vocational training, which was his dream. He now lives in a small apartment very close to the HALO home with another HALO home graduate, working as a carpenter. Both boys still come to the home for warm meals with their HALO family.

On days when he was bent over, digging the dry earth, searching for just one potato for his starving little brother to eat, Kennedy could have given up. Instead he made the choice every morning to persevere. Every day. There was no room for complaining. Kennedy now has a skill that will provide for his family and community for the rest of his life.

When I think I am having a hard day, I remember Kennedy at the age of 11 in that hot, dry, Kenyan field.

My self edit to Winston Churchill's quote - If you're going through hell, keep it in perspective. And then keep on going.

I don't want to go to jail

Every day we see youth who have been in such a sad place, they are not able to even think about what their goals might be. 

I am not in that place. If you are reading this blog, most likely you are not in that place. The fact that we have so many resources at our fingertips everyday should bring a seriousness to the reality of our purpose and potential in life. Its a stark reality that our responsibility to live life to its fullest is a privilege. This is why each of us should take goal setting seriously, especially within HALO.

Watching one of our youth evolve to the place where they feel someone believes in them so much that it is ok to believe in themselves is the most rewarding thing about our job. Mere exposure to opportunity and words of encouragement sparks an openness to possibilities and dreams that inspire me to no end.

This week one of our youth in Jefferson City set the goal to turn his life around. He is 17 and his father is in prison. His goal is to not go down the same path. He finally believes in himself enough to set the goal of not being a thug and not going to jail. 

Another young girl in Kansas City started believing in herself enough to set the goal of becoming the first in her entire family to graduate high school.

This fascinating 2 minute clip is from the HALO Bukessa Home in Uganda about a young boy Musissi and his goal to become an electrician. 

Imagine the odds these kids are working against. Everything in their lives to this point has told them they are not allowed to think about becoming someone. Their courage to believe and say, out load, that they are committed to their goals is incredibly humbling. 

I thought long and hard about my personal goals for this year. I am still working on a few of them but my overall goal is to keep things simple and positive. Within HALO we have some very big goals, goals that we take seriously, goals that when we meet them, will impact lives. When I start to question if we will be able to meet our goals, I think of the odds our kids are working against and any question leaves my mind.

Each of us owe it to ourselves, our communities, and to those who are in a sad place... We must set goals to reach our full potential because it is a privilege.